everything always changes, it’s inevitable, i understand that. lately the changes that happen to me destroy me, they make me doubt my ability to take care of myself and the people i care about. they make me hate the people that i should care the most about. they make me want to push the limits and they successfully make me miserable day after day. if a quarter of the changes coming at me helped me, i could keep my head up, i could tread the water until the tide comes in. unfortunately i keep getting pulled under, i feel like im falling and i dont want to pick myself up. no, im not depressed, i dont want to kill myself or anything like that, the changes are all happening so fast i dont know how to react. i havent learned how to make decisions for myself. thats what it boils down to, i cant predict the future, so i dont know what i should commit to, making myself happy now or what could make me happy in the future. theres so much to think about.